White Wedding (Part 3 of . . . let's say 5)

For those of you just joining us, feel free to catch up on parts one and two. Just set your Internet DVR and this post will be waiting for you when you're ready.

After a Thursday night of revelry, drinking, dancing, drinking, eating, drinking and more drinking that ended with a midnight run to McDonald's, I was woken up to the dulcet tones of a toddler crying at 5:45 a.m. Fortunately, Yes Dear woke up and took care of him (she'd gone to bed at a more reasonable hour the night before - you know, like a responsible adult) and let me sleep to the crazy late hour of 6:30 a.m..

After taking our time to get ready, the three of us, plus Official Brother and Official Fiance (Note: These are not the two getting married on Saturday, this is the other brother and his soon-to-be bride. However, it appears they're going to have a 'normal' wedding, so there won't be nightly updates about their wedding week . . . unless I'm REALLY bored then)  departed from Greenwood to make the 45 mile trip to Greenville, SC (home of the hated Furman Paladins) where we were took the little guy (Note2: I need to come up with the official name for him in this blog) to the Greenville Zoo. If you've never taken a 17-month old to the zoo for the first time, it's an experience I highly recommend. It's even more fun if you can see exotic animals and then have your sibling turn to you and say "The weird part is this isn't the most exotic thing we'll see all weekend." This usually works best if you're going to a wedding or some other ceremony of a culture completely foreign to you. We did get to pet a goat while we were there, because, you know, there's nowhere in the south you could go to pet a goat, unless you go 15 miles in any direction outside of any city in the region.

We then arrived to the hotel where the remainder of the weekend's events will be taking place. After a few hours of greeting family I hadn't seen in roughly 14 months, a few of us went out for a late lunch at a local barbecue joint (I feel like Spike Lee when I call something a 'joint.' Well, I also feel like a marijuana user. I'm not sure which is worse.) By the time we finally got lunch, we were starving. I did enjoy some of the finest sweet tea that God has graced this fine planet with.

(Unrelated tangent: When I moved from Georgia to North Carolina, I wasn't expecting a huge cultural change. They were both southern states and while North Carolina may be a bit more progressive than it's neighbor to the south, but overall, I wasn't expecting a drastic change. However, one of the first things we learned was when you're out at a restaurant, ordering 'tea' doesn't automatically mean you're getting sweet tea. The look of disbelief on my face when asked 'do you want that sweetened or unsweetened' is the same as it will be when (if) the Cubs ever win the World Series. The idea that a city in the south wouldn't automatically offer sweet tea scares me. I don't know what's real in this world anymore. My son is going to grow up thinking unsweetened tea is a legitimate option for a beverage choice.)

Anyway, after getting our meals (I got pulled pork with a couple sides) we chowed down. As we were winding down, my soon-to-be sister-in-law turned to me and said "I'm eyeing your meat," which was incredibly blunt considering my wife and her fiance were both sitting right there. As it turns out, she was referring to my lunch, which didn't make it any less awkward.

During 'normal' weddings, the night before the wedding is reserved for the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. However, there's none of that in a Hindu wedding. So instead there was a cocktail party for about 250 of the bride-and-groom-to-be's closest friends and family. After about two hours of mingling, the main event of the night was eight of their friends and family telling stories about them - how they met, what their friendship means to them, all that crap that's usually encapsulated in the Best Man's toast. In our efforts to make charming, heartfelt comments about a couple on the eve of their wedding day an excuse for cheap laughs and a good time for us, Official Brother and I turned each speech into our own Mystery Science Theater 3000 where we'd crack wise on whatever each person was talking about.

Also, being the caring, considerate and compassionate son's we are, we set the over/under for the number of times my mother would cry during the speeches (and 13-minute video she put together) at 13.5. I took the over while Official Brother took the under. I felt pretty good about my chances of prevailing when, after three speakers, we were up to eight different instances of crying. But alas, it wasn't meant to be as my mom pulled herself together and topped out at 10 total times crying during the hour-long portion of the evening. (No, I don't think I have a gambling problem, why do you ask?)

Apu quote of the night: Never before have I seen such abuse of the take-a-penny-leave-a-penny tray.

Saturday's Schedule: Actual wedding ceremony begins at roughly 11:30 a.m.
Reception: 7 p.m.
Irrelevant YouTube clip: Benny Lava
Blog post expected: roughly midnightish -  assuming all goes well.