Monday, October 31, 2011

Big News (and no, we're not pregnant)

The amazing thing about Seinfeld is that after more than a decade off the air, it is still somehow relevant today, aided by the ubiquitous reruns and failure by network television to develop a bona fide comedy hit. So much so that with the Cubs making major changes to their font office, I still wonder who they’re going to hire as the Assistant to the Traveling Secretary and secretly hope that George Costanza is going to get the gig. Costanza “worked” for the Yankees in the mid-90s.

One of my favorite episodes is when George comes to the conclusion that every decision he’s made in life has been the wrong one. Essentially, he realizes he’s the Earl Hickey of fictional characters. Like all great Seinfeldian moments, he came to this realization at the coffee shop just before ordering lunch. After ordering WHAT?!? he says he’s been ordering that his whole life and nothing good has resulted, so he orders what he considers the opposite. (Jerry acutely points out the opposite of tuna is actually salmon since tuna swim downstream while salmon swim against the current.)

Anyway, an attractive woman at the diner hears George’s order and looks his direction. George, being balding and unemployed at the time, hesitates going to introduce himself, but Jerry and Elaine convince him that if every instinct he’s had is wrong, than the right thing to do is to approach the woman. George, working up his courage, walks over and says he noticed her looking at him. She says he ordered the exact same meal she did, to which George replies “I’m George. I’m unemployed and I live with my parents.” The woman responds flirtatiously with “I’m Victoria, hi.”

I mention all this because as of mid-December, I’ll be like George. Not in the sense that I’ll be changing my lunch habits in the hopes of meeting attractive women at coffee shops, but that I’ll be unemployed and living with my parents.

After two-and-a-half years of living and job hunting in Wilmington, NC, things just haven’t worked out. Well, the hunting has been fine, it’s the finding of a job that has been the issue. And with our living expenses increasing (who knew small children cost so much?), Yes Dear and I decided to hit the reset button and start over back home.

On one hand, it’s going to suck moving from Wilmington. It’s a great city and I can think of far, far worse places to be unemployed. We’ve met some truly amazing people and made some wonderful friends. As of yet, I’ve been unable to convince them to uproot their families and move to Statesboro, Georgia with us, but I’m hoping to entice them with such attractions as the National Tick Museum. If all else fails, I may have to spread false rumors about them to their bosses that would make them get fired but still be an enticing candidate for any jobs in Statesboro.

I’m going to miss random Tuesday trips to the beach with me and The Little Guy. I’ll miss the outdoor concerts every Friday night during the summer and the Shakespeare on the Green performances every spring. I’ll miss the summer league baseball games and the professional soccer team here, even if I didn’t ever make it out to a game.  I’ll miss meeting random actors when we’re out for drinks (ok, not so much on that last one.)

I’ll miss Flaming Amy’s Burrito Barn and pub fries from Front Street Brewery. And I’ll miss story time at the library and dropping The Little Guy off for preschool. I’ll miss baseball games at Brooks Field and basketball games at Trask Coliseum.  Most of all, I’ll miss the people we’ve met here. I’ll miss my church family at Pine Valley United Methodist Church who welcomed us there as though we’d been attending for years. I’ll miss The Little Guy’s preschool teachers and the parents of his classmates. I’ll miss our friends that we hang out with and have supper clubs with.

But on the other hand, it’s exciting to move back to a place with so many friends and family. It’ll be nice living in a college town with college football. It’ll be nice living in a town with Nikko Japanese Steakhouse and the home of the original Zaxby’s. It’ll be nice to be in a town where I can go to Wal-Mart at any time, day or night, and feel 98 percent certain I’ll run into somebody I know. And it’ll be nice to have The Little Guy be closer to his grandparents, even if that is just down the hall.

What does this move mean for you? Well, if you’re among my Wilmington friends and have been thinking “you know, it’d be fun to invite Luke, Yes Dear and The Little Guy out to do that really fun thing,” you may want to get on that. We like you and all, but I don’t see us making a five-and-a-half hour drive to do whatever event you’re thinking of.

If you’re one of our friends who doesn’t live here, it means that if you’ve been thinking about coming to see all that Wilmington has to offer and wanted to do that with us, you probably should figure out a way to turn back time to the spring or summer when most of the fun stuff is going on. However, you’re still more than welcome to come visit/help us pack.

And if you’re one of our Statesboro friends, it means that despite your best efforts to rid yourselves of us, we’re coming back. But on the plus side, you’ll have a little more than two year’s worth of inside jokes to make us feel like we’re moving to a new place.

So allow me to introduce myself. “My name is Luke. I’m unemployed and as of mid-December, I’ll be living with my parents.