Part of the PATRIOT ACT's requirements is that anyone who has even thought about writing a blog during the year must provide a year-in-review post to point out the highs and lows of the previous 360 days or so. By rule, any actual news that happens the last few days of the year is criminally overlooked in year-end retrospectives.
Newspapers do this too, but mostly because it's a way to make it look like they're doing actual work when they're really selling you a paper filled with not only yesterday's news, but news from 11 months ago. They're freely admitting that no actual news happened that day, but they have pages to fill and your desire for instant nostalgia is such that you don't mind. It's the equivalent of a columnist packaging together the best of his old columns into a book and then having the audacity to charge you more money for the privilege of reading the same thing again.
So in no particular order (or guarantee of accuracy), here are my recollections of 2011: The Year that Happened.
Casey Anthony returned to fame when she killed Osama bin Laden. Anthony, of course, is best known for murdering people's ability to tolerate Nancy Grace.
Following a sex scandal that rocked the university, the school to the unusual step of no longer attending high school games to scout players for fear of garnering additional charges.
The dumbest people in America got together and decided to troll the Republican Party by being the only people running for the party's nomination.
Michael Jackson's doctor was found guilty of finding NBC's "Whitney" hilarious.
President Obama fueled speculation that the state of Hawaii is in on the conspiracy to cover up the fact he was born in Kenya by releasing his long-form birth certificate.
Kenya responded by saying Obama can't be from there as he's never finished first in a marathon.
The Miami Heat lost to the Humidity in the NBA finals.
Donald Trump was, at one point, a leading candidate to replace Meridith Vieria as co-host of the Today Show.
Steve Jobs finally created an app to take him to the afterlife.
Charlie Sheen redefined "winning" to mean anything but.
Harold Camping predicted the end of the world.
And people believed him.
The world didn't end.
Amanda Knox extended her study abroad time in Italy, much to the disappointment of her parents.
Prince William and Kate Middleton were upstaged on their wedding day by Kate's sister Pippa.
The Occupy Wall Street movement reminded us how much we all hate camping.
I promised to post blog entries more often, but did not.
I'm promising to post more blog entries in 2012.
I likely will not, though I do look forward to unveiling a new feature in the coming days.