Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Everybody wants to rule the world

This is Part 5 of my 323 part series.

Song: Ain't it fun
Artist: Guns 'N Roses
Everybody wants to rule the world

One of my goals in life is to complete my quest for global domination. I haven't shared that with a lot of people (and really, even after posting it on this blog, there's still not a lot of people who I'll be able to say I shared it with.) Unfortunately, that's as far as my current plan goes. I have no idea how to go about conquering the world, and when people say 'you and what army?' I have to admit that I don't have an army unless you count an easily frightened dog as an army.

That said, I have worked on various strategies as to how I would go about taking over the world. Sadly, for me, all of those strategies are based on the assumption that there are only five other people are also competing for world domination and are doing so under strict rules of combat*. Those rules generally consist of rolling dice into a box and pairing up the highest rolls of yours and your opposition to determine if you were able to take over a territory.

Even these guys
Ok, so my plan to take over the world revolves totally around the board game RISK, though there's a chance I also have squirreled away some plans I got from a lab rat and his dimwitted friend. I know a lot of people (read: women) don't see the appeal of sitting around and rolling dice in an attempt to wipe your opponent off the face of the earth. Honestly, when you boil it down to its most basic, RISK is just a slightly more competitive form of Yahtzee. 

In college, RISK became a weekly event for a good number of us (who, perhaps not coincidentally, were almost all single at the time). We'd get started around 8 or 8:30 and if we got through with the first game early enough (usually 10:30ish), we'd go Ernie Banks' style and play two. (That's an 50s era Chicago Cubs reference, really not expecting a lot of people to get that one.). There was also one game when we started one afternoon of finals week, only to have one of our players run across the street to take a final and be back in 20 minutes to continue the game. (I think he got an ‘A’ on the test.)

Once we all graduated college got married and moved away, the games became less frequent (though they also became less frequent when we found out about girls). One Friday night we all met in a central location (about 90 minutes from me) to get the band back together to play. After having to take a detour due to an overturned semi-truck, my buddy and I got there a little later than expected. Not that it mattered much to me as I was out in 20 minutes. But alas, I’d come with a friend, so I was stuck there for the duration of the game. And much to my chagrin, it was not a quick game that allowed for another one. Three hours of driving for 20 minutes of rolling dice, and I’d do it again if I had the chance.

*My general strategy is to control either Australia or South America and slowly build outward. South America is best because there’s only one way out of Australia, and that requires a land war in Asia, which is never a good thing.

Next Song: I wish I Felt Nothing
Artist: The Wallflowers

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