Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Bud Light Will Do Anything for Publicity, But It Won't Do That

 So here's Alex and his new Buccaneer'd living room and back yard. It's a Bud Light commercial that's been running during NFL games, take the 30 seconds to watch it if you haven't seen it.

So that was Alex. Setting aside the obvious breaking and entering that took place, he got a cool set up at his place to watch the game and some sort of land boat in his back yard complete with cannons should his neighbors ever think of pulling a Peter Griffin and annexing Alex's home. So far so good. I mean, for being seen carrying some beer around, it's not a bad deal. Plus he got to meet Tampa Bay legend Warren Sapp who was dressed as a pirate because, I assume, someone in wardrobe had an extra buccaneer costume that just happened to fit him. Because, really, there's no reason for him to be in a costume.

But what happens when Alex's wife gets home? Let's explore the possibilities.

Option A:
 Alex's wife, let's call her Alexandria because it's the obvious joke, get's home and she loves it. She's been wanting to remodel their home for a few years now and her devotion to her husband is so great that she wants him to have anything he wants, even if it's a home fit for a pirate captain at sea and three attractive maidens living on a land boat in their back yard. We're unclear if Bud Light is giving the girls to Alex or not, and laws prohibiting slavery would seem to indicate those girls on the boat are free to leave at any time, but it's not exactly clear the situation there. Same with Warren Sapp. Is he moving in to the guest room? In this scenario, sure he is. He was Alex's hero growing up, so he stays. Sure, it would require some sacrifices. Alexandria's friends would probably stop coming over and their home would be the go to house for every sports-related viewing party, from the Super Bowl and Final Four to the Scandanavian Curling Championships and South American Team Handball Derby. Alex is judicious in the use oft he cannons to the delight of the neighbors. Every 4th of July and other special occasions Alex hosts a neighborhood block party and eventually uses his popularity to be elected mayor of his little town. He and Alexandria have a long and happy life together thanks to his love of Bud Light.

Option B: 
 Alexandria gets home and is horrified. She's spent her adult life as an interior decorator and now can't invite anyone to her home because Alex just HAD to have Bud Light for the game. And he wasn't even going to watch it at home. Alex was going to a friend's house to watch, which I guess makes sense because otherwise they wouldn't have had time to redo the house. Anyway, Alexandria tells her husband that, in no uncertain terms, that either they have to turn the house back to how it was or she's leaving. Alex is torn, he loves his wife, but he loves his new home. Plus, if Alexandria leaves, he can share the house with Warren Sapp and have the three Buccaneer ladies move in with him. Alex ultimately picks the house, leaving his wife to make it on her own. She cleans up in the divorce, taking everything but the house (because why would she want it?) Out of spite, she also gets the land boat and cannons, which she gives to the neighbors they have been feuding with for years over the height of the hedges. The neighbors shoot off the cannon at all hours of the day and night simply to drive Alex mad. Alex, realizing his mistake too late, begins a slow decent into alcoholism, fueled by Bud Light of course, eventually falling behind on the mortgage and losing his home to Warren Sapp. Bud Light abandons Alex in his time of need and Alex ends up a forgotten footnote in advertising history.

There are other options of course, but those seem to be the most likely. I'm no Nate Silver, but I figure those two options account for 85% of the expected outcomes. The fact we haven't seen a follow up to this commercial leads me to believe Alexandria was less than pleased with how things were. Hopefully they're able to get some counseling and can work this out between them.

1 comment:

Wilmosprey said...

Well done sir! Clever.