Six Seconds with Christina Aguleria

Title: BS Report Part 1 (Jan. 31)

Artist: Bill Simmons

Note: A friend asked me to find something on my iPod to write about Super Bowl Prop Bets, so I found a podcast about Super Bowl Prop Bets to use as my inspiration. Actually, it was the one I listened to yesterday, so it kind of worked out. All bets listed below were, as of Tuesday afternoon, actual things you could bet on. You know, if betting were legal outside of Nevada.

Hoping for a Grand Finale

More money is bet on the day of the Super Bowl than any other day. I don’t actually know if that’s true, but it sounds plausible enough that we’re going to forgo fact checking and work off the assumption that it is, in fact, accurate. Most of that money is wagered on hockey games played that day, so in an effort to drum up interest in the Super Bowl, casinos offer prop bets. (Again, we're assuming that's true.) Prop bets are basically betting on things other than the outcome of the game. They can be as benign as ‘How long with Christina Aguleria hold the last note of the Star Spangled Banner?’ (over/under is set at six seconds – I’ll take the over, and I'll take this as an excuse to post her picture) to ‘Will there be a scoreless quarter?’ (I’m going with ‘No.’)

I’ve found that compiling a list of prop bets and then wagering with Yes Dear makes the game more enjoyable for her and doesn’t deplete my already sparse goodwill account with her when I want to spend all day reveling in Super Bowl excesses.

After a bit of searching, I was able to find a list of various prop bets. Below are a few of my favorites (as well as my guess in each of them.)

Will Christina Aguleria wear a cowboy hat while singing the National Anthem? (No.)

What Color will the Gatorade be that is dumped on the Head Coach of the Winning Super Bowl Team? (Clear/Water)

Will Christina Aguilera's hair color be anything except completely blonde when she sings the National Anthem? (completely blonde)

How Many Times will FOX mention “Brett Favre” on TV during the Game? (Over/Under is 2.5. I’ll take the Over, way over.)

Team to Kick the First Successful Field Goal in the Game? (Packers)

Who will FOX show first on TV during the game, Jessica Szohr (Aaron Rodgers’ Girlfriend) or Ashley Harlan (Ben Roethlisberger’s Fiancee)? (Ashley Harlan, there's a Roethlisberger sexual assault joke in there somewhere, I just can't seem to find it now.)

Who will the Super Bowl MVP of the Game thank first, Coach, Family, God, Teammates, Does Not Thank Anyone? (Teammates)

What will be the result of the coin toss, heads or tails? (Heads)

How long will it take Christina Aguleria to sing the National Anthem? Over/Under is 1:54 (Over)

Will Fergie be dressed as a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader at any point during the Halftime show? (No, please dear God no.)

There are countless others, especially if you want to get into the details of the actual game (who will catch the first pass for the Steelers? Will Packers’ third-string running back John Kuhn rush for more than 5.5 yards? Will Packers’ Defensive Lineman B.J. Raji play on offense?)

So enjoy the game, enjoy the wagering and please don’t turn into a degenerate gambler because of me. Or if you do, please send me five percent of your winnings and don’t blame me for your losses.