The amazing thing about Seinfeld is that
after more than a decade off the air, it is still somehow relevant today, aided
by the ubiquitous reruns and failure by network television to develop a bona
fide comedy hit. So much so that with the Cubs making major changes to their
font office, I still wonder who they’re going to hire as the Assistant to the
Traveling Secretary and secretly hope that George Costanza is going to get the
gig. Costanza “worked” for the Yankees in the mid-90s.
One of my favorite episodes is when
George comes to the conclusion that every decision he’s made in life has been
the wrong one. Essentially, he realizes he’s the Earl Hickey of fictional
characters. Like all great Seinfeldian moments, he came to this realization at
the coffee shop just before ordering lunch. After ordering WHAT?!? he says he’s
been ordering that his whole life and nothing good has resulted, so he orders
what he considers the opposite. (Jerry acutely points out the opposite of tuna
is actually salmon since tuna swim downstream while salmon swim against the
current.)
Anyway,
an attractive woman at the diner hears George’s order and looks his direction.
George, being balding and unemployed at the time, hesitates going to introduce
himself, but Jerry and Elaine convince him that if every instinct he’s had is
wrong, than the right thing to do is to approach the woman. George, working up
his courage, walks over and says he noticed her looking at him. She says he
ordered the exact same meal she did, to which George replies “I’m George. I’m
unemployed and I live with my parents.” The woman responds flirtatiously with
“I’m Victoria, hi.”
I
mention all this because as of mid-December, I’ll be like George. Not in the
sense that I’ll be changing my lunch habits in the hopes of meeting attractive
women at coffee shops, but that I’ll be unemployed and living with my parents.
After
two-and-a-half years of living and job hunting in Wilmington, NC, things just
haven’t worked out. Well, the hunting has been fine, it’s the finding of a job
that has been the issue. And with our living expenses increasing (who knew
small children cost so much?), Yes Dear and I decided to hit the reset button
and start over back home.
On
one hand, it’s going to suck moving from Wilmington. It’s a great city and I
can think of far, far worse places to be unemployed. We’ve met some truly
amazing people and made some wonderful friends. As of yet, I’ve been unable to
convince them to uproot their families and move to Statesboro, Georgia with us,
but I’m hoping to entice them with such attractions as the National Tick
Museum. If all else fails, I may have to spread false rumors about them to
their bosses that would make them get fired but still be an enticing candidate
for any jobs in Statesboro.
I’m
going to miss random Tuesday trips to the beach with me and The Little Guy.
I’ll miss the outdoor concerts every Friday night during the summer and the
Shakespeare on the Green performances every spring. I’ll miss the summer league
baseball games and the professional soccer team here, even if I didn’t ever
make it out to a game. I’ll miss meeting
random actors when we’re out for drinks (ok, not so much on that last one.)
I’ll
miss Flaming Amy’s Burrito Barn and pub fries from Front Street Brewery. And
I’ll miss story time at the library and dropping The Little Guy off for
preschool. I’ll miss baseball games at Brooks Field and basketball games at
Trask Coliseum. Most of all, I’ll miss
the people we’ve met here. I’ll miss my church family at Pine Valley United
Methodist Church who welcomed us there as though we’d been attending for years.
I’ll miss The Little Guy’s preschool teachers and the parents of his
classmates. I’ll miss our friends that we hang out with and have supper clubs
with.
But
on the other hand, it’s exciting to move back to a place with so many friends
and family. It’ll be nice living in a college town with college football. It’ll
be nice living in a town with Nikko Japanese Steakhouse and the home of the
original Zaxby’s. It’ll be nice to be in a town where I can go to Wal-Mart at
any time, day or night, and feel 98 percent certain I’ll run into somebody I
know. And it’ll be nice to have The Little Guy be closer to his grandparents,
even if that is just down the hall.
What
does this move mean for you? Well, if you’re among my Wilmington friends and
have been thinking “you know, it’d be fun to invite Luke, Yes Dear and The
Little Guy out to do that really fun thing,” you may want to get on that. We
like you and all, but I don’t see us making a five-and-a-half hour drive to do
whatever event you’re thinking of.
If
you’re one of our friends who doesn’t live here, it means that if you’ve been
thinking about coming to see all that Wilmington has to offer and wanted to do
that with us, you probably should figure out a way to turn back time to the
spring or summer when most of the fun stuff is going on. However, you’re still
more than welcome to come visit/help us pack.
And
if you’re one of our Statesboro friends, it means that despite your best
efforts to rid yourselves of us, we’re coming back. But on the plus side,
you’ll have a little more than two year’s worth of inside jokes to make us feel
like we’re moving to a new place.
So
allow me to introduce myself. “My name is Luke. I’m unemployed and as of
mid-December, I’ll be living with my parents.
