HEAVEN – God held a rare press conference Sunday
night to respond to complaints that the New York Jets were unable to rally from behind to beat
the Pittsburgh Steelers despite the presence of Timothy (Tim) Tebow on the Jets
roster.
“Look, last year was a fluke in regards to Tebow,”
said the Almighty. “I kind of got swept up in everything and decided to let it
go on for longer than I should have.”
The Creator of Heaven and Earth emphasized that the
Broncos, Tebow’s team last year, primarily won games due to their defense and
His twisted sense of humor.
“What can I say, I liked the reactions,” God said. “On
one hand, you had Tebow fans who truly believed I was on their side and wanted
Denver to win. On the other hand, you had people who couldn't stand Tebow and
seeing him get credit for having his only decent drive of the game come on the
last one. I couldn’t lose watching you people get all worked up about it.”
Despite leading the Broncos to an overtime playoff
win last season, Tebow was traded to the Jets in the offseason to make way for
Peyton Manning, who many believe to be significantly better to Tebow, mostly
because Manning tends to throw to his receivers rather than open patches of
grass.
Tebow led the Jets to a 48-28 win in their first
game behind his 11 yards rushing on five carries. However, despite 22 total
yards rushing in Sunday’s game against the Steelers, the Jets fell 27-10.
“Guys, you had a fun run last year, but let’s be
serious for a minute. Tebow just isn’t very good at the football,” God said. “Don’t
get me wrong, his skill set was great for the college game, but that isn’t
going to cut it in the NFL.”
The Lord wouldn’t get in to what was in store for
Tebow and the Jets for the rest of the season, but reminded fans who may be
calling for starting quarterback Mark Sanchez to be benched that Sanchez is 4-2
in the playoffs over his career, while Tebow is 1-1.
“I’m not a betting man, but if you can get odds on
the Jets not winning the Super Bowl, I’d take them,” God said.
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